As the mother of 6, I’ve been through every sleep challenge in the book. Thankfully answers always came, and I’m happy to offer them here. So, snuggle in with your chamomile tea and let’s get started!
No child goes willingly
Whether or not your child has sleep challenges, remember no little one is raising their hand for naps. Early on I figured out the sweet spot for nap length; just long enough to let them recharge, but short enough so they’d still fall asleep easily that night. The routine was simple: 2 stories, 2 songs, 1 back scratch and a swarm of butterfly kisses. Consistency of course was key.
The magic of white noise
With so many children of varying ages, using a small yet powerful fan kept the younger ones asleep whilst their EXTREMELY loud siblings carried on. My husband said you could land a small jet on our front lawn and not a child would stir. I don’t doubt this.
Self-soothing is the goal
We personally are not a family that co-sleeps, and if you also prefer to have your children sleep on their own, I offer this advice. I have found that laying/staying with your child until they fully fall asleep doesn’t teach them to self-soothe. You don’t want to create the habit of their needing YOU to fall off to dreamland.
When things go bump in the night
We’ve all had the occasional child sleeping between us and our spouses, tiny arms and legs strewn. These one-offs are normal, but if your little one has found a home in your bed, I offer a well-proven strategy. (It may be tiresome when first employed, but with kindness & consistency it works.)
5 Simple Steps to Getting Your Child Back to Sleep on Their Own
- Arise from your bed (yes, that’s the hard part), and take your child by the hand back to their room.
- Tuck them in, comfort them; show them they are safe.
- Stay for several minutes while you stroke their hair/rub their back/kiss goodnight.
- Leave the room and go back to your bed.
- IF they return, repeat the steps. (No talking now, just walk them back, kiss and leave.)
Realize you may be repeating these steps several times. (Yes. In the same night.) But please don’t give in, nor show anger, no matter how exhausted you may feel. Your consistency teaches them two things. First: they are loved, seen and safe, and second: there is no option to sleep in your bed. Parents who use this method consistently are amazed at how well it works. Remember, you are giving them the gift of self-soothing; please do not feel guilty.
“I’m just not tired”
Many children insist they are simply not tired after a long day. “That’s okay,” we say kindly as we continue to help them into their pajamas. The bedtime routine doesn’t change; stories, back-scratches and smooches as usual. If your child continues to look at you wide-eyed that’s fine.
“Honey, if you’re not tired, you don’t have to fall asleep right now, you just need to stay in your room. It’s bedtime and that’s what we all do at bedtime. Here are your books and toy/trucks/dolls. If you want to color, your crayons are right on the desk. You can stay awake if you’d like, but remember you have a big day tomorrow. I love you.” (Followed by an extra kiss on the head as you exit without another word.)
NOTE: Never leave electronic devices/toys as an option…but you already knew that.
The escape artist
I have the honor of coaching many families through bedtime struggles. The most common issue is having a child who refuses to stay in bed. This strategy is simple, but your conviction is paramount. It’s time to lovingly break the power struggle.
5 Simple Steps to Calling It a Night:
- Lovingly complete the bedtime routine and close their door behind you. (Nightlights and white noise can be helpful here.)
- As soon as your child walks out of the bedroom PROMPTLY walk them back. (Do this without any talking, no emotion.)
- Once in their room, firmly but kindly tell them- “It’s bedtime. I’ll see you in the morning.”
- Close the door and walk away.
- If they walk out the bedroom door, walk them back in WITHOUT conversing.
NOTE: For this to work, you must stay committed, no matter how long it takes. Feel free to set up a chair in the hallway. Remain calm, do not raise your voice, and after the first time, do not even utter a word as you bring them back.
Trust the Process. They will eventually tire, and yes, they may even fall asleep right on the floor by the door. You may dread Night #2, but it will not take as long. I’ve yet to coach a family who’s required more than three nights with this approach.
An anxious child needs to be heard
Peaceful sleep is an effect of being at peace. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that our children learn from us how to decompress at the end of a long day. Notice if your child seems anxious, ask questions to understand their overwhelm. Your wisdom and fresh perspective may be all they need to calm their young minds before sleep.
Magnesium: my not-so-secret weapon
My youngest son Charlie was my most difficult to put to sleep; I simply couldn’t calm him. Always looking for natural remedies, I experimented with varying dosages of magnesium citrate, and later tried melatonin. Unfortunately, the former brought laxative effects, while the latter caused fitful sleeping and scary dreams. I was at a loss.
The answers to Charlie’s sleep issues finally came. Switching him to a whole foods diet set us on a path toward healing; adding magnesium glycinate (now available to you as our Tasteless Magnesium for Kids) after dinner brought success. I was amazed that my once wild son was now asking to go to bed at the end of a long day. (Yes, really.)
Bedtime: Don’t lose sight of the gift of You.
All strategies aside, bedtime isn’t about the stories and the songs. It’s about connection– making your child feel known, safe, and loved. So tonight, when the volume gets turned up on the chaos, try and see through the shenanigans for what your child really needs.
Because a parent’s love is the most effective sleeping pill around.